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Mon, 08 Nov 2010 17:26:28

What's all this talk about structural unemployment. There's work out there, you just have to know where to find it. Here are four fabulous gridlock-proof fields of opportunity.

ROBO-SIGNER: Have you got a strong wrist and little moral curiosity? There are stacks of foreclosure documents waiting for your John Hancock. You don't have to read what you're signing, and there's a bling bonus if you beat the quota.

NAY-SAYER: The Republicans have done a non-stop job of braying "nay" to everything Democrats have come up with to deal with the double dip we've been dealt. Boehner and his bad brothers are hoarse from two years of being horses' asses, and need a break. So, if you know how to say "no" load and clear to any plan that's remotely useful to our present dilema, then shuffle off to D.C. and get to work.

HUMAN FENCE: Everyday, hordes of illegal immigrants are pouring into the country across our porous border to the south. Here's a chance to put yourself and your country back to work. Link hands with millions of your fellow unemployed and make a fence of flesh, denying access to those who would infiltrate our economy, filling the very jobs that real Americans won't take because nobody plays them on television.

COUCH MINER: You can change your life with the smallest change, and that's what waiting for you, hidden in sofas and stuffed seats everywhere. Yes, it's time to leave the couch potato lifestyle behind; but, before you do, reach under the cushions of that couch and excavate those pennies, nickels, dimes and even quarters that are going to grubstake your return to reality. As you move up in life, you'll be sitting on fancier couches in fancier places and digging out the really big dough.

Get going now. You don't have time to wait around to find out if you're an anchor baby.

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